right now I am waiting for green paint to dry in my living room. I am watching the pouring rain out my window, thankful to be alive.
Lately I’ve had a lot of moments like this. Overwhelming gratefulness for life and a keen awareness of how very short it can be.
There was a bike ride on our normal trail. Good music in my ears, beautiful evening light, I had the biggest smile on my face the whole time. A sharp awareness that this was it. This was life. Enjoy it. It was one of those rare epiphanies the universe will grant us from time to time. We all know it’s short with our brains, but this was a knowing that had somehow soaked into my bones and filled me with an urgency that I haven’t been able to shake since.
Then a few days later, I heard of a former online contact, that I had never really spoken to, but had minimal interaction with on a group page. I remembered her because she was bold and awesome. Her whole personality screamed Life, Be Who You Are, Love Yourself. She was a light. And just like that, she was gone. Car wreck. Tragic.
It hit me hard. Not because I really knew her, but because just like that, you can be gone. Done.
It makes everything zoom into focus very quickly.
The time I spend hating my thighs.
The time I think about past mistakes.
The time I waste on people that don’t really care about me anyway.
The time I haven’t spent on my kids while I have them.
Worry over things I can do nothing about.
Things I haven’t done yet because I’m waiting for who knows what.
All of that. I just want to soak it all in. The rain, my green walls, Dobby’s naughtiness, the Austrian’s crazy jokes, delicious food, my quirky children. I want to grab all these moments and stuff them deep into my pockets somehow, to constantly live in them.